Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
