between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
