Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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