I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
