i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
