Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
