I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
