I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
