Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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