I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
