They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
