He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He better not be in your backpack
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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