needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
