I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
