Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
