I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have aggressive nipples.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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