Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
