Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
