Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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