i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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