Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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