At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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