This girl is more easily done than said...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
