If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
