I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
