You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
