I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
