Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
