went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
