handjob tips. give me some.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
