every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
