Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
