I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
