I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i came on her dog
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize