Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize