if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
