I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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