if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
