Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
