covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
