she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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