I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
