I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
