i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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