My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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