Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
