just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
