My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she told me i tasted like america
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
