I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
