I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize