How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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