Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
