theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
