Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
