The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize