I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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