cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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