Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
