His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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