you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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