I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize