I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
