Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
