8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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