I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
