I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Are we still banned from the library?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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