so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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