Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
