I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize