Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
