My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
