All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
